Be Easy on Yourself


We are surrounded by messages telling us how to improve our lives – what to do to make life stress-free and easier as we deal with the day-to-day responsibilities of raising children, holding a job, and having a social life. While I appreciate the intent behind these messages and have learned a few tips myself over the years, I sometimes wonder whether we are missing the essence of these messages.

These messages are obviously intended to help us make our lives less stressful. However, if we are conditioned to do things the hard way, or our internal belief is that life is hard, then these messages will do little to help us make our lives easier. We might even use them to beat ourselves up – we hear all this information, and yet we cannot get a handle on our lives. So, think about it another way. Maybe it is not the external message that is holding us back. Maybe it is the internal tape we are running in our heads that needs to be changed. Maybe the trick is not to look for a manual on how to do things easily. Maybe the trick is to be easy on ourselves first and then ‘do easy’ and ‘live easy.’

Yes, you’ve got it! We were never meant to be machines that need an operator’s manual on how to fix, fix, fix ourselves. We are spiritual beings who are supposed to flow with life. If we look at the way God created the universe, we will see the evidence of easiness all around us. We will sense how easily the sun rises every morning. We will see flowers blooming in spring, and we will see birds chirping in the early morning as they hunt for food. Ask yourself, where is the ‘hard’ in the creation of all this? We, as human beings, have somehow adopted the false belief that life is supposed to be hard. Our spiritual journey and everything around us is there to remind us that it is indeed easier than we would like to believe.

Whether you want to write a book or be an actor or run a marathon, you have two choices. You can decide that the journey will be easy – and you will be sure to attract people, circumstances and tools that will indeed make it easy for you. Or you can choose the path of mainstream, hardcore training that most of us were raised with – which says that life is hard and there is nothing to be accomplished without hard work. I am not talking about persistence, commitment, or perseverance here. I am talking about an internal mindset that some of us hold that says it is going to be hard, and then we make it hard. Commitment and persistence in the pursuit of our dreams is not hard work – it is supposed to be fun and easy.

Let me tell you we first have to make a decision to stop beating ourselves up, then only we can achieve whatever we want easily. So, maybe our task is not to just discover easy way of doing things, but to be easy on ourselves. Our task is to make the decision that no matter what we do during the day, we will be easy on ourselves and will notice what was easy about the process instead of what was hard.

If you are used to seeing things as being hard, then, in the beginning, you will have to deliberately make the choice to notice what is easy about doing something until it actually becomes easy. I encourage you to make a conscious decision to notice how many times you do something and then say to yourself, “That was hard,” or “I would have done better if only…” Notice everything that gives you the sense of not being good instead of the sense of being good and fun. And then make the decision to replace those thoughts with thoughts that actually make the creative process feel good and easy and fun.

When we beat ourselves up for not doing something right, we are actually making it hard for ourselves to do anything right. The secret to ‘easy’ is to notice ‘easy.’ Every time you do something, look for what was easy about it. Soon, you will develop a new muscle in your brain that will only notice the easy way of doing things and will find the easy way. Before you know it, your life will be easier than you had ever imagined it could be. Try it for yourself. You can hold me accountable for a free coaching session if it doesn’t work.

Zahra Efan is a Life and Success Coach who specializes in helping women achieve their dreams. To book a complimentary coaching session give Zahra a call at 604.582.7759 or visit our web at

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